well, he tried....
So, anyway,I have been struggling this week. The reason why is because I have an uncle that right now is in the hospital and that my family, atleast my mom has anyways been keeping me updated about how he is doing and his conditions. And well, he just had an surgery done last week and he still hasn't woken up. But an improvement, he has made some movements not much but a few. My mom was told that they were going to move him into another room so they can observe him. I hope that he wakes up from his surgery and that he doesn't have any complications for not waking up.
I have to admit, I don't know my uncle very well and he comes from my dad's side of the family. What that means is, I honestly don't know how my dad's side of the family is related to me or who they are because they have never spoken about due to somethings that has happened and we don't agree to. In my mom side of the family, however, I have heard names of different individuals and seen pictures and I don't know them but I know my mom's side of the family are much more forgiving, loving and genuine than my dad's since past experience.
I don't know what type of person my uncle is (he is I guess, my great uncle, he is my grandma's brother...so yeah). Well, the times that I have associated with him has been neat. He always has a funny story to share and seriously, you must expect the unexpected from him because he'll say stuff and like, all you can do is laugh because its silly. Well, my uncle, when I last visited him, he pretty much flat out said and I'm not quoting him correctly, but he said... "Ok, so here's the plan, I am going to escape because I don't like this place. Well, you guys got to help me plan my escape, I mean this is the only way I can leave this place, this is serious business." It was soo funny that he said that, he made me think of Second Hand Lion when one of the Uncle's is in the hospital and only this fella, got out and didn't have an escape plan, instead this uncle of the boy, threw stuff and pointed at both his brother and nephew angrily and said "You." and they both know him well, so they just nooded no. And it was just so funny that he left the hospital. My uncle on the other hand actually had a plan but wanted to elaborate on it.
And,ok, you know, I am not saying that he will pass on. I am not saying that at all but I don't know what will happen and I don't know if he will wake up from his surgery, I am hundred's of miles away so I just can't go over on any day to go visit my uncle. I had just found out that he was getting a surgery the day I went to visit him, so of course that toke me by surprise and I visited him, it was good to see him again but it was sad to see that he had to be there. But I know that from the past, he has had health problems. And I know that he has worked on cars and actually come to think of it, and this is just from what I have been told, here is my poor little old uncle trying to make a living by fixing other people's cars and jipping them of/over pricing them and really not knowing if the darn thing was actually going to work. Which, yes, I will admit was not a good thing. But I thought it was funny, mostly because people still kept coming back and asking him to fix their vehicle even though they would rant and rave of how a horrible job he did before. So, it was silly.
I don't know. When I went to go see him and I had decided to take a picture of him. I had felt this would be my last time seeing him, now I don't know if that means for a loooonnggg time because who knows when I will go back to California to visit family or really I don't know. But that feeling made me feel sad and it kind of made me feel empty and not ready to have someone in my family to pass on.
So this week, I have been questioning myself a lot of how much do I know about the Plan of Salvation? How much do I know about the Plan of Happiness? How much do I know about being sealed to families? Having a family for time and all eternity? To be reunited with them some day and to rejoice with them? And many more other questions. The answer to just about all of them is, not enough. I need to learn more. And I wonder, maybe the missionaries can come teach me again. Just for me to relearn those things. Or maybe it would be better if I can take some time and actually just sit down read about those things so I can be better prepared.
Right now, it seems as though I have a lot of questions in my life and I need answers and I need to do some soul searching to find those answers. I need to myself down and teach myself things that I never thought I had questions too. I have lost a loved one, that would be my granp's Ernesto, he was close to me when I was a little girl. And it was hard to know that he was no longer going to be there to take care of me and play games or to color the easter eggs. It was tough to be at his funeral, somebody had to hold me down because it was too difficult. That was years and years ago, I was only 5 years old or about close to that age.
I know that now though, when I do lose someone that I love, it would be good to be prepared but honestly you can never be prepared to lose a loved one and its still difficult to know that when those people you know and love soo much, when they are gone and you can no longer call them to say hello, to joke around with, to be playful, to share embarrassing stories with, or to be there to give you a hug when you need one. I guess, what I am saying. I don't want to have to go through that because of the pain that comes with that. And, I have lost close (not best friends but close) friends. And it was sad and I would say to myself it isn't true and then ended up finding an article and I ended up crying, only to remember that I will get to see them again in the next life and its going to be ok. So, I do know about the Plan of Happiness, the Plan of Salvation is just too many things are on my mind. And if I keep writing, I will just take too long. Its actually time for me to go, but I hope this made sense. Cause I don't know if it did. But I hope you have a wonderful day! And remember He will always be there, that would be Jesus the Christ, our Savior and Elder brother. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.